$BEARLIN

1997. A tiny black bear yeets one pretzel too big for his body, passes out behind the TV tower, wakes up last Tuesday. Bro slept through the entire internet.

So he coded this homepage himself, at 3am, in a döner shop with free electricity. Three bicycles. One extremely serious mustard take. Still cannot say Eichhörnchen.

Nights: he flexes to techno. 132 BPM, no shirt, eyes closed, absolutely locked in. Bouncer said no. Bear said doch. Bear got in.